Peace of Mind

How do I find a peace of mind and why does it feel like I am screaming to be valued with no sound coming out of my mouth?  Why am I betrayed when I all I want to do is be loyal and present? I want to come from a place of love, not pain.  Why can’t I just trust and lean on a sense of security?  I’ve never had it, so I must be the one who supplies it to myself.  Some days I am strong, but lately I’ve been weak and lost.  Why is everyone just out of reach?  Why can’t I touch love?  I can see it, but I feel that I am so broken and jaded that I get rotten body pieces instead of full hearts, minds and souls.  Is my heart and soul too rotten to receive love?  I know we all have issues, but is it I who is betraying myself?  How can I get to the peace?  I see and I experience the power of love and healing one day, and the next I am confronted with pain, suspicion, doubt and worry.  Is it I who is untrustworthy?  How can I find peace within myself?  How can I quiet the voices that are shouting?  I am tired of going up and down.  I want to have a consistent life that faces struggles but doesn’t crumble at every sign of conflict, betrayal and pain?  I see a future of happiness, positivity  and growth, but my past whispers to me that what I see is a mirage, simply shadows for fools who survive on gasps of hope while their souls burn for more, thirst for more…..I can and will walk forward.  Please God give me the strength to put one foot in front of the other.  Where I am right in your eyes, and cease to worship the approval of man.  I will be a force to be reckoned with when I walk in who you created me to be.  I am walking.  I am walking. I am doing this for myself and nobody else.  I will be whole.

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